Do you know when you are lying to yourself?

Yes, I do, and though it doesn’t happen often when it does I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and Rolaids just won’t cut it. I have to sit down and ask myself why.

More often than not it is because I do not want to face something unpleasant.

It could be something as innocent as I have a deadline and I’m putting it off to the last minute all the while saying to myself…’ it will all turn out okay when really I should have gotten to work days earlier…

But I think many can relate to something like that…we are only human and challenging tasks aren’t exactly fun.

However, when I know in my heart something or someone does not have the best of intentions…is not there for me the way I am for them…basically, not my definition of a friend or someone I should be confiding in, that’s the worst kind of lie…because lying to yourself is bad enough…but lying about the integrity and heart of someone you care for all the while knowing they do not share the same sentiments is doing yourself such a disservice.

I want to see the best in everyone. I want to believe if I care, it’s only natural that they would feel the same…(this is not about romantic relationships…this is about believing in an illusion. )

Coming to terms with the truth when it hurts is never easy, but if you don’t face it head-on it is so much harder down the line.

It all comes back to intuition…that little voice that we should never ignore, but sometimes do because our heart wants something but our head is saying no. And though our hearts are pure (in my mind) that doesn’t always make it ‘right.’

Sometimes saying goodbye isn’t very hard at all. But saying goodbye to something or someone we truly cared for is a very difficult thing but if you do not walk away, you will continue lying to yourself until one day this object of your affections (an idea, a person…an illusion) will do it for you, and that is far more painful.

As you grow and you learn your lessons, your circle tends to become much smaller…but I would much rather have a small circle of authenticity than a boatload of bullsh*t.

The very worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves…we owe it to ourselves to be honest because if we can not be honest with ourselves we are essentially impostors, and that’s the last thing on this earth that I ever want to be.

Also read: What made you find out you can’t fix someone

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