When I started ‘fixing’ myself.
I realized no one is going to look at things exactly as I do. No one is going to feel the exact same way I feel.
And as hard as it is to say, (even where really tried and true friends are concerned) no one is going to show up for you the way you would necessarily want them to. At the end of the day, we can only fix ourselves.
It doesn’t matter how much love you show another. It does not matter how generous or how giving you are.
If there is something broken or missing inside of someone, there is not one thing that you can do to make it all better. And it isn’t your job to do so.
Once I started to understand what makes me tick, what makes me sad, what moves and inspires me, and how I could improve, I no longer had time to put my energy into someone (anyone) who had a lot to figure out, especially a person who hadn’t the faintest idea they had any issues at all. It’s essentially like pushing an enormous boulder up a hill, only to have it roll back down on top of you.
Does that mean we should only focus on ourselves, only think about our needs, isolate ourselves from the people who really care about us? Absolutely not.
I believe that a true partnership happens when two separate people have figured things out on their own. Let go of the past.
Realize that whatever might have been missing inside of them could only be filled by them and no one else.
An equal partnership is when two self-aware, fully functioning people come together…not out of necessity (money, loneliness, etc.) but because they enhance each other’s lives. Bring the other joy. Learn from one another and grow together through never letting go of their identity.
I literally watched this as I was growing up. My parents had the right idea. Maybe because they married much later in life so they had time to really learn about who they were and what they wanted out of life.
Maybe it was because they had the same values. Or maybe that dentist who set them up on a blind date was some sort of angel…who really knows? All I know is that I watched, I laughed, I learned, and I remember all of it.
And if I am lucky, hopefully, one day I will find someone who feels the way I do. Who will let me be me, just a little bit better me for walking through life with him.
I won’t feel like I am taking on a ‘project…’ but instead a partner. A real partner who celebrates with you cries right alongside you and makes you realize that if you are really lucky, good things come to those who wait…because let’s face it…
after all that work we have done on ourselves, we deserve happiness, laughter, and most important…to find that imperfect person who is perfectly perfect in our eyes, because that is love. And as my Mom said…’ it happens when you least expect it.’